joke for Jeff Scott

Man, I'm on a "joke binge." I *promise* this will end! This one is
for "farmer" Jeff Scott:

THE "TWO COW EXPLANATION" OF WHAT MAKES...
> >
> > A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep
> > one and give one to your neighbor.
> >
> > A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes
> > one and gives it to your neighbor.
> >
> > A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor
> > has none. So what?
> >
> > A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has
> > none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote
> people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell
> one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then
> take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your
> neighbor. You feel righteous.
> >
> > A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government
> seizes both and provides you with milk.

> >
> > A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes
> both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and
> start a campaign of sabotage.
> >
> > DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows.
> > The government taxes you to the point you have to
> sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only
> one cow, which was a gift from your government.
> >
> > CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows.
> > You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
> >
> > BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows.
> > The government takes them both, shoots one, milks
> the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the
> drain.
> >
> > AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows.
> > You sell one, and force the other to produce the
> milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
> >
> > A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go
> > on strike because you want three cows.
> >
> > A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You
> > redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an
> ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
> >
> > A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows.
> > You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
> > once a month, and milk themselves.
> >
> > AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows
> > but you don't know where they are. You break for
> lunch.
> >
> > A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows.
> > You count them and learn you have five cows. You
> count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count
> them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting
> cows and open another bottle of vodka.
> >
> > A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows,
> > but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a
> nap.
> >
> > A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of
> > which belongs to you. You charge for storing them
> for others.
> >
> > A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You
> enter into a partnership with an American corporation.
> Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares
> bankruptcy.
> >
> > AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You
> worship them

> THE "TWO COW EXPLANATION" OF WHAT MAKES...

A MICROTONALIST: You have two cows. You tune one to Harry
Partch's 43-tone Just Intonation scale and the other to a 49-tone
micro-temperment of your own design. You then write a 5000
word document on this work and post it to the Tuning list. Joe
Monzo makes a web page of your document and places his own
copyright on it. You spend a few hundred dollars of your own money
to haul the two cows to a microtonal festival and seven people show up.

* David Beardsley
* http://biink.com
* http://mp3.com/davidbeardsley

--- In metatuning@y..., "David Beardsley" <db@b...> wrote:

/metatuning/topicId_361.html#362

> > THE "TWO COW EXPLANATION" OF WHAT MAKES...
>
> A MICROTONALIST: You have two cows. You tune one to Harry
> Partch's 43-tone Just Intonation scale and the other to a 49-tone
> micro-temperment of your own design. You then write a 5000
> word document on this work and post it to the Tuning list. Joe
> Monzo makes a web page of your document and places his own
> copyright on it. You spend a few hundred dollars of your own money
> to haul the two cows to a microtonal festival and seven people show
up.
>
>
> * David Beardsley
> * http://biink.com
> * http://mp3.com/davidbeardsley

And this is what's known, in popular parlance as "having a cow!"

JP

---- Original Message -----
From: <jpehrson@...>

> --- In metatuning@y..., "David Beardsley" <db@b...> wrote:
>
> /metatuning/topicId_361.html#362
>
> > > THE "TWO COW EXPLANATION" OF WHAT MAKES...
> >
> > A MICROTONALIST: You have two cows. You tune one to Harry
> > Partch's 43-tone Just Intonation scale and the other to a 49-tone
> > micro-temperment of your own design. You then write a 5000
> > word document on this work and post it to the Tuning list. Joe
> > Monzo makes a web page of your document and places his own
> > copyright on it. You spend a few hundred dollars of your own money
> > to haul the two cows to a microtonal festival and seven people show
> up.

> And this is what's known, in popular parlance as "having a cow!"

Badoom! Rimshot, crash! ;)

* David Beardsley
* http://biink.com
* http://mp3.com/davidbeardsley