How to Sing the Blues

Off topic I know, but thought it would be enjoyed anyway, Ray.

HOW TO SING THE BLUES

1. Most blues begin with "Woke up this mornin'"

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you
stick something nasty in the next line:

I got a good woman--
with the meanest dog in town.

2a. Insert "da da da da DANH" between lines

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.

Got a good woman
With the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
An' he weighs 500 pounds.

4. The blues are not about limitless choice.

5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues
transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays
a
major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues
adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a
man in Memphis.

7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or
Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota is just a depression.
Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have
the blues.

8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
a. Violet
b. Beige
c. Mauve

9. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall. The
lighting is wrong.

10. Good places for the Blues:
a. The highway
b. The jailhouse
c. The empty bed

Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. Gallery openings
c. Weekend in the Hamptons

11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you
happen to be an old black man.

12. Do you have the right to sing the blues?
Yes, if:
a. Your first name is a southern state - like Georgia
b. You're blind
c. You shot a man in Memphis
d. You can't be satisfied

No, if:
a. You were once blind but now can see
b. You're deaf
c. You have a trust fund
d. You speak with a British accent

13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbara Streisand can sing the blues.

14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues.
Other blues beverages are:
a. Cheap wine
b. Irish whiskey
c. Muddy water

Blues beverages are NOT:
a. Any mixed drink
b. Any wine kosher for Passover
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
d. Perrier

15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues
death. Other blues ways to die are:
a. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover
b. The electric chair
c. Drug overdose (except beer)
d. Denied treatment in an emergency room

The following are NOT blues ways to die:
a. Going peacefully in the middle of the night
b. Fishing accident (unless the result of 'a' or 'c' above)
c. During a liposuction treatment.

lol :)

>From: rtomes@kcbbs.gen.nz (Ray Tomes)
>
>Off topic I know, but thought it would be enjoyed anyway, Ray.
>
>HOW TO SING THE BLUES
>
>1. Most blues begin with "Woke up this mornin'"
>
>2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you
>stick something nasty in the next line:
>
>I got a good woman--
> with the meanest dog in town.
>
>2a. Insert "da da da da DANH" between lines
>
>3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it.
>Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.
>
> Got a good woman
> With the meanest dog in town.
> He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
> An' he weighs 500 pounds.
>
>4. The blues are not about limitless choice.
>
>5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues
>transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays
>a
>major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
>
>6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues
>adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a
>man in Memphis.
>
>7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or
>Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota is just a depression.
>Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have
>the blues.
>
>8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
> a. Violet
> b. Beige
> c. Mauve
>
>9. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall. The
>lighting is wrong.
>
>10. Good places for the Blues:
> a. The highway
> b. The jailhouse
> c. The empty bed
>
>Bad places:
> a. Ashrams
> b. Gallery openings
> c. Weekend in the Hamptons
>
>11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you
>happen to be an old black man.
>
>12. Do you have the right to sing the blues?
>Yes, if:
> a. Your first name is a southern state - like Georgia
> b. You're blind
> c. You shot a man in Memphis
> d. You can't be satisfied
>
>No, if:
> a. You were once blind but now can see
> b. You're deaf
> c. You have a trust fund
> d. You speak with a British accent
>
>13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbara Streisand can sing the blues.
>
>14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues.
>Other blues beverages are:
> a. Cheap wine
> b. Irish whiskey
> c. Muddy water
>
>Blues beverages are NOT:
> a. Any mixed drink
> b. Any wine kosher for Passover
> c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
> d. Perrier
>
>15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues
>death. Other blues ways to die are:
> a. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover
> b. The electric chair
> c. Drug overdose (except beer)
> d. Denied treatment in an emergency room
>
>The following are NOT blues ways to die:
> a. Going peacefully in the middle of the night
> b. Fishing accident (unless the result of 'a' or 'c' above)
> c. During a liposuction treatment.
>
>
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