MMM and the airing of (private) dirty laundry

Gabor and others,

This is another time where I wonder why I even muck with this, but I certainly get enough private and public support for my efforts that I don't feel like throwing in the towel. So on some matters:

1. Private emails - I, for one, have always tried to make sure I keep things said to me in private confidential, and expect others to as well. When I have breached that self-restriction, I have almost universally regretted it, and those times have been minor factual items. That Carl chose to take a message I wrote in private, for the expressed reason to both keep noise down as well as get issues *between* us *settled* between us, and that I trusted he would honor our privacy, I don't care for at all. Rather, it really bothers me. At least I have no need for confirmation as to "trust issues" in this case.

You'll note that I have just posted a short quote from a mail I sent to Gene: I have done this for the specific refutation of a claim he has made about me, in public, from this private mail. I have included only the content in question, have no intention to post anything else, and have just spent 30 minutes working on private replies for Gene as well. I don't know if this will strike people differntly than Carl simply taking my entire mail to him and posting it to the group as a whole; it does me, it probably won't to Carl.

2. As to how best to guide a discussion group, there must be as many ways as there are people that would even care about such things. I only do as much as I can on-list before the bickering gets on list-members nerves, and then (and *only* then!) do I feel it is in the best interests of the group for me to try and resolve issues with the person privately. Carl comments that people shoud be concerned, lest a post from them will lead to a condescending mail from me. I should note that I write to people on the list quite often in private email, and very, very rarely is it to discuss problematic situations. The vast majority is positive and collaborative.

In this instance, Carl may consider himself part of a very elite population.

3. As I always try to do, I've thought a lot about this and tried not to post until I've reflected on what has gone down. I also went back to the guidelines I wrote up, with two other co-moderators, when we formed MMM, so see if I had strayed across the line. These guidelines are given to each person with the email that comes to them when they join the list; it may have been that I should have allowed for even more leniency than I have, but I also note that some of the problems relate to issues and people that cross-populate the various lists, and I - as anyone would - have to rely on my judgement as to when to act. Bear in mind that I have had many private correspondences with some of these people on similar topics. Paul felt it hasty, maybe it was, but I had reasons to see that things were going to go south, and I've gotten tired of people abandoning microtonal discussion groups because of certain behaviors - behaviors that are neither necessary nor cast in stone.

In closing, I can only offer the following: in the place *I* happen to like, it would please me to see an open sharing of ideas centered around the mission statement of the forum, and for people to offer commentary and criticism in an atmosphere of colleagiality. When it not only appears to me, but appears to others, that the line has been crossed from ardant advancement of a side to out-and-out bullying or belligerant/intolerant behavior, I don't have a lot of choices:

1. ask the person to consider their behavior, in as mature and tactful way as I can muster (which, I admit, gets more difficult with each reply to the person)
2. continue the flaming on the list, making a racket and driving away people
3. shut down a list I consider a good place to be

3 would be easiest, 2 is unacceptable, 1 is a good way to go, but I am positive that I don't do it perfectly. WTF was I thinking when I agreed to do this?

Regards,
Jon