Ah, conductors...

Friends,

Since we can share many different type of topics, I wanted to share
something passed on to me today. I have the unfortunate happenstance
to have to work with conductors on a regular basis, but if you
haven't had the pleasure, it can sometimes be *exactly* like the
following...

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Hans Vonk in rehearsal. Members of the Netherlands Radio Symphony
Orchestra recently noted down these rehearsal remarks by their chief
guest conductor, Hans Vonk (Vonk is also music director of the St.
Louis Symphony Orchestra). Translated from RFO Informeel magazine,
April 2001:

"Is that vibrato, or is it simply out of tune"?

"Six flats. So almost every note is lower than you think."

"Percussion, throughout this whole business you are too strong. I
hardly hear any more instruments."

"There is a choir involved in this, so it would help enormously if
you just simply play on the beat."

"Yes, it is musical, but that's of no use to me."

"Our rehearsals do not necessarily take place in dialogues. When I
say something, I don't always have to get an answer back from you."

"We are tuning up. And I know that everyone hears it better than the
conductor, that has always been so; but I'm trying to do something
about it."

"Who is playing on that bag of knives and forks? Could I just hear
that? (....) Mmmm, that doesn't work; don't you have some spoons
there, too? Let's see! (....) Oh, then it's all right, I thought all
you had was wooden handles."

"Measure 97, the fourteen-eight: in four. (objection from the
orchestra) No, no, just wait. I have done my homework. So in four,
this way: one, two, three, four ...., five"!

"Let's agree on this: don't count out these measures. I will give you
your entrance clearly. Especially don't count, just do as if you are
a singer."

"Sssst, for once it isn't about bowing but about dynamics. But maybe
that's less interesting."

"Here I am absolutely crapped out psychologically."

"If you know the right notes, you must play this very strongly."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the chorus, I don't want to bring your
health into peril, but would you mind just standing up"?

"No, sorry, it is an interpretation, to be sure, but it isn't mine."

"Yes, that is a big triplet; but there are limits."

"I give up! I can't keep my beat together with your foot"!

Cheers,
Jon